Today is World Suicide prevention Day and I thought I’d share a little about my experiences! I firstly have lost people close to me by suicide and know many close to me who have lost loved ones by suicide too, which is heart wrenching.Unfortunately I too have struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts and this is very hard for me to share but I feel it’s important to get the message out there.
From my experience suicide isn’t a selfish act, however, it’s anything but. I know for some people, they think it would better for people if they are gone or that life is too painful to keep going and they usually aren’t mentally well enough to make rational decisions! For me I have used my eating disorder as an indirect way of killing myself but I also struggle with dissociation - this is a period of time where my mind isn’t present with my body and during this time I do quite destructive things to myself without being aware and when I come out of the dissociative state it is very scary for me.
Unfortunately I struggle with suicidal thoughts in my daily life, it’s painful but with support of health professionals and my mummy, sisters and a few close friends they help me through. However when I dissociate I am unaware of what I do and these have been the times were I have attempted to take my life. I am very lucky and got the help quick but I always live in the fear that I can’t control these thoughts and something bad will happen. But I am getting help and I hope to beat this! But I guess I wanted to show a few different photos some where I look on deaths door and some with a smile on my face! A smile can hide so much. So look after those around you. Listen to them and don’t judge. Together we can fight this and maybe save some lives along the way. Life is worth it: it may just take us a bit of time to see it. If anyone is reading this and feeling that life’s not worth living please get help. Asking for help show strength not weakness. Keep fighting to all my friends struggling with mental illness.
Helplines you can contact...
116 123 (UK and ROI)
Papyrus Hopeline - supporting young people under 35
0800 068 41 41
0778 620 9697
CALM - for men
Tips for coping right now